ask ELLA MAE Ella Mae Gogel CEC-TAG Parent Committee Chair

Recent phone calls and letters from parents suggest a great need for parents to visit and communicate with their school well in advance of their child's first day of school. One mother's dilemma: her daughter, age 4, reads well, knows addition, learned the concept of subtraction in 15 minutes, worked on subtraction for three days and asked, "What's next?" The parents had their daughter tested by a child psychologist who declared her ready for the first grade. When the parents brought this information to their school they were told, "We have no early entry and your daughter will need to complete one year of kindergarten before first grade." The school's parting remark to the parents was, "Just don't teach her anything." The parents were angry, shocked, and bewildered.

I am stunned that parents are still given this advice. Parenting is teaching. It is unnatural for parents not to teach their child and the effect on the children will be damaging. Research shows that children do best in school when parents see themselves as their child's most important teacher.

Parents of a son in kindergarten were told: "Your son is a mystery to us, we don't know what to do with him." I asked, "Is he a mystery to you?" The child's mother answered: "No, he's delightful, intelligent, interesting, and fun to be with."

A third parent was told that her son is gifted. He was identified by his kindergarten teacher, but the resource teacher for gifted students cannot work with her son until third grade. This child reads fluently, is already bored, and wonders why he needs to go to school.

These three parents all need an open and on-going dialogue with their schools. The parents who were told "Don't teach her anything," need to find a setting that encourages learning and responds to the child's current needs and interests. Children should never be put "on hold." Some states have Òopen enrollmentÓ so that students can attend a school outside their area. Parents need to know if their state has a mandate to meet the needs of gifted and talented students. Before their meetings with the school, parents need to prepare a full list of questions.

Chapter 4 in Bringing Out the Giftedness in Your Child by Rita Dunn, Kenneth Dunn, and Donald Treffinger (John Wiley & Sons, Inc.), has the information parents need: "The school years - making them as valuable as possible. Choosing the right teacher, asking the right questions; how to support and confer with teachers; gifted programs' in the schools; and what's good, what's not."

The parents of the "mystery child" need to tell the school about the son they know. He may be a very different child in school: withdrawn, feeling out of place, and not like the other children. I hope his parents have a portfolio of his creative work and a journal filled with their son's statements, activities, interests, and achievements. Helping the teacher understand and know their child should lead to positive and productive days at school.

The third parent would benefit from reading Susan Winebrenner's, Teaching Gifted Kids in the Regular Classroom (Free Spirit Publishing) and then giving the book to their son's teacher. A resource book parents should keep for themselves is Guiding the Gifted Child by Webb, Meckstroth and Tolan (Ohio Psychology Publishing Company). This book's chapters on motivation, discipline, stress management, depression, sharing feelings, and peer and sibling problems will help parents with many of their concerns throughout their children's school years.